The Bright Side

2010-09-22T19:16:00.001-04:00

Mr. Abshear recently divorced himself from "big pharma" after working for three of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the world for over a decade. He continues to write primarily opinion pieces regarding what may be little known facts about the health care system- particularly the pharmaceutical industry, and his writings also include responses to the related writings of others as well on various internet sites. Before his pharmaceutical career, he was a patient caregiver for over a decade, which included being a medic (hospital corpsman) in the U.S. Navy and Marine Corps.

Conservatism and Racism

2010-09-21T22:21:00.001-04:00

Some principled-conservatism theorists have suggested that racism and conservatism are independent, and only very weakly correlated among the highly educated, who truly understand the concepts of conservative values and attitudes. In an effort to examine the relationship between education, SDO, and racism, Sidanius and his colleagues[3] asked approximately 4,600 Euro-Americans to complete a survey in which they were asked about their political and social attitudes, and their social dominance orientation was assessed. Results partially supported the principled-conservatism position, but also suggest several problems. Contrary to what these theorists would predict, correlations among SDO, political conservatism, and racism were strongest among the most educated, and weakest among the least educated, according to Sidanius and his colleagues,[3] because conservatives tend to be more invested in the hierarchical structure of society and in maintaining the inequality of the status quo in society.

So basically, poor conservatives aren't racist.

A Picture to Lighten the Mood

2010-06-28T17:31:00.001-04:00

Photograph: here.

Yet Another Side Effect of Antidepressant Use

2010-06-01T10:06:00.000-04:00

Recently a study showed a significant increase in miscarriage with antidepressant use:
Study Links Antidepressant Use to Miscarriage.

Antidepressants + Therapy

2010-05-13T13:56:00.003-04:00

This is a statement from Peter Kramer (taken from this blog):

"Most depressed people don’t get evaluated; most who are evaluated don’t get treated; and most who are treated are treated poorly. As for whether medication helps with minor depression, that question may be less important than another one. If we were to treat all patients well–if with mildly or moderately depressed we were to start with psychotherapy and then, if that doesn’t do enough, weigh other options — in that situation, ought we to consider antidepressants? To my mind, the answer is still, “Yes — yes, of course.” But we are not there, far from it."

I always feel like my friends are just thrown on medication with either absolutely no therapy or therapy with a therapist who still doesn't quite understand therapy. I'm wondering if my dad's even seeing a therapist.

Alternative Views on Modern Sexuality

2010-05-07T14:01:00.002-04:00

I kind of want to read this book. I'm going to try reading all the sections they have online.: Sex at Dawn

CFS Abstract

2010-05-06T09:45:00.001-04:00

"The chronic fatigue syndrome
Holmes, Gary P. MD

Abstract
The chronic fatigue syndrome is a poorly understood condition of uncertain etiology. Researchers disagree on its case definition, possible causes, associated immunologic and psychiatric factors, and treatment. Recent publications suggest possible links with a virus resembling human T-cell lymphotropic virus type 2 and with natural killer cell dysfunction and other cell-mediated immunologic abnormalities. Links with Epstein-Barr virus, human herpesvirus-6, coxsackie B virus, and systemic Candida infections are questioned. Placebo-controlled studies suggest that essential fatty acid therapy may be helpful, disagree on a role for intravenous immunoglobulin, and dismiss oral nystatin and intramuscular bovine liver extracts as therapeutic modalities.

(C) Lippincott-Raven Publishers.
"
http://journals.lww.com/co-infectiousdiseases/Abstract/1991/10000/The_chronic_fatigue_syndrome.5.aspx

POTS & Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

2010-05-06T09:35:00.001-04:00

This is way too fascinating to me at the moment: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Postural_orthostatic_tachycardia_syndrome

Theory on Sprouted Grains & Cortisol

2010-04-30T14:59:00.000-04:00

"
High Cortisol Caused by Non-Sprouted Grains
For example, our grains have been hybridized to contain about half the protein that they contained in 1900. In addition, our failure to sprout our grains in the preparation of the flour used for our commercial breadstuffs has added to the disruption in our cortisol rhythm.

Non-sprouted grains result in an inflammatory-response in the gut that causes the secretion of excess cortisol into the intestinal tract. This hormonal drain of cortisol in the gut deprives other parts of the body of their fair share of cortisol. While allergy and inflammation manifest themselves elsewhere in the body, the gut is a set-up for intestinal dysbiosis (abnormal gut flora), lowered immune protection (due to lowered secretory IgA levels), and metabolic reactivity to foods.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

. . . an elevated nighttime cortisol suppresses the immune system and with it our resistance to infection and cancer.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sprouting removes much of the toxic peptides that are found on the hull of grains. Feed children sprouted grains to avoid or delay gluten- and gliadin-intolerance. Individuals with gluten-intolerance are advised to avoid gluten grains. Note that the incidence of gluten intolerance is especially high for those with Celtic, Nordic, or German background. However, travel and inter-marriage has led to the dispersion of this gene to virtually every land. In addition, with the introduction of genetically-modified grains into our food supply, the incidence of grain intolerance has risen in populations from all backgrounds.

"
"Books of Interest on Related Topics:
Adrenal Fatigue: The 21st-Century Stress Syndrome by James L. Wilson, Petaluma, CA: Smart Publications, c2001.

Dangerous Grains: Why Gluten Cereal Grains May be Hazardous to Your Health by James Braly, MD, Ron Hoggan, MA, Avery Publishing Group C2002. See the review in the Spring 2003 NOHA NEWS, pages 9-10, "DANGEROUS GRAINS."

Living Well with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia: What Your Doctor Doesn't Tell You … That You Need to Know by Mary J. Shomon, NY: Quill, c2004.

The No-Grain Diet: Conquer Carbohydrate Addiction and Stay Slim for the Rest of the Your Life by Joseph Mercola, DO, Alison Rose Levy, Dutton Books, c2003. See the review in the Summer 2003 NOHA NEWS, pages 9-10, "LOSE WEIGHT-GAIN HEALTH."

Seeds of Deception: Exposing Industry and Government Lies About the Safety of the Genetically Engineered Foods You're Eating by Jeffrey M. Smith, Fairfield, IA: Yes! Books, c2003.

Share with me the names of your favorite books and authors who truly inspire you and refresh your soul. PHardingMD@comcast.net
"
from Eating Your Way to Better Sleep

Low Cortisol Levels

2010-04-30T14:33:00.000-04:00

This was posted on HealthBoards

"
What does low Cortisol feel like? Does it make you lathargic? and mentally, does it make you feel stressed out?

Look up the symptoms of Addison's Disease.

Here are a few of them:

Chronic fatigue, muscle weakness, loss of appetite, inability to digest food with weight loss, low blood pressure that falls further when standing and makes you dizzy sometimes to the point of fainting, blotchy dark tanning and freckling of the skin most noticeable on parts of the body exposed to the sun (when in fact you aren't tanning at all). Inability to cope with stress, moodiness, irritability, and depression
intolerance to heat or cold, craving of salty foods.

When low cortisol gets serious you find blood sugar abnormalities including dangerously low blood sugar, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea.

You don't need to have all the symptoms, some people also get some opposite symtoms like weight gain, better blood sugar sugar control and better blood pressure control. This happens most often in the face of additional hormone problems like an undiagnosed thyroid condition.

The craving for salty foods is a real sign of low cortisol. Some people begin drinking pickle juice, eat tons of eating salted crackers or salted sunflower seeds. I used to eat a good sized back of sunflower seeds a day til my tongue was raw from the salt. Still I wanted more salt. I remember my doctor saying salt isn't good for you, stop eating all that salt. I couldn't, I just had to have it.
"

Nice List of Different Types of Dementia

2010-04-30T14:14:00.002-04:00

here: Conditions & Diseases: Brain & Nervous System

Too Much Oxytocin

2010-04-30T11:02:00.000-04:00

After reading this I'd be convinced I have too much oxytocin: PsycCentral article

Neuroticism & Conscientiousness Correlated With Brain Size in Aging

2010-04-29T15:58:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure how much I believe this article but it's an interesting concept. Personality May Affect Brain Aging

BLTC

2010-04-28T14:18:00.002-04:00

from http://www.bltc.com/
"
BLTC RESEARCH was founded in 1995 to promote paradise-engineering. We are dedicated to an ambitious global technology project. BLTC seek to abolish the biological substrates of suffering. Not just in humans, but in all sentient life.

Absurdly fanciful? No. The blueprint for a Post-Darwinian Transition to a cruelty-free world is conceptually simple, technically feasible and morally urgent.

At present, life on earth is controlled by self-replicating DNA. Selfish genes ensure that pain and malaise are endemic to the living world.

Yet all traditional religions, all social and economic ideologies, and all political parties, are alike in one respect. They ignore the biochemical roots of our ill-being. So the noisy trivia of party politics distract us from what needs to be done.

Fortunately, the old Darwinian order - driven by blind natural selection acting on random genetic mutations - is destined to pass into evolutionary history.

For third-millennium bioscience allows us to:

rewrite the vertebrate genome
redesign the global ecosystem
deliver genetically pre-programmed well-being
In the new reproductive era ahead, biotechnology will make us smarter, happier and just possibly nicer. Post-Darwinian superminds can abolish "physical" and "mental" pain altogether.

The ethical importance of the decisions we take can scarcely be exaggerated. For soon we'll be forced to choose how much suffering in the living world we want to conserve and create. Or we can choose instead to abolish suffering completely.

Life on earth can be animated by gradients of ecstatic well-being beyond the bounds of normal human experience.

In the end, the greatest obstacles to lifelong superhealth and a cruelty-free world may prove ideological, not technical. BLTC RESEARCH campaign to promote paradise-engineering as a rigorous academic discipline and a mature applied science.

"

BDNF: Why Depression Shrinks the Hippocampus

2010-04-28T14:13:00.002-04:00

from Wikipedia
"Exposure to stress and the stress hormone corticosterone has been shown to decrease the expression of BDNF in rats, and, if exposure is persistent, this leads to an eventual atrophy of the hippocampus. Atrophy of the hippocampus and other limbic structures has been shown to take place in humans suffering from chronic depression.[34] In addition, rats bred to be heterozygous for BDNF, therefore reducing its expression, have been observed to exhibit similar hippocampal atrophy. This suggests that an etiological link between the development of depression and BDNF exists. Supporting this, the excitatory neurotransmitter glutamate, voluntary exercise,[35] caloric restriction, intellectual stimulation, curcumin[36] and various treatments for depression (such as antidepressants[37] and electroconvulsive therapy[38] and sleep deprivation[39]) increase expression of BDNF in the brain. In the case of some treatments such as drugs[40] and electroconvulsive therapy[41] this has been shown to protect or reverse this atrophy.[40]"

Tips on Loneliness

2010-04-28T13:04:00.002-04:00

here: http://rowdykittens.com/2010/03/8-simple-tips-to-overcome-loneliness/

I already know I'm nuts so this isn't news to me

2010-04-27T12:57:00.000-04:00

article here: Are Introverts Nuts?

What does this mean?

2010-04-27T12:34:00.000-04:00

Explain it to me...

"
Sean Penn usually plays intense, down-beat roles. Did you have faith in him bringing the cheeriness and self-depreciation required here?
‘I wasn’t afraid of that. If you have a actor that doesn’t talk very much and you give him lots of dialogue, it’s really interesting because the character that you know so well is revealing a different side. It’s a good thing to get an actor like him playing against type.’
"
from Time Out London Milk interview

Antidepressants: Get this straight people!

2010-04-27T08:56:00.000-04:00

"...Antidepressants do work for very severely depressed people, as well as for those whose mild depression is chronic. However, the researchers found, the pills don’t work for people who aren’t really depressed — people with short-term, minor depression whose problems tend to get better on their own."

from NYTimes

Superficial Conversation

2010-04-27T08:42:00.002-04:00

This is distressing for me to read (if it's true) because I'll be unlikely to be having deep conversations with people
"
...As reported in Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological Science, analysis of the recordings revealed some very interesting findings. Greater well-being was related to spending less time alone and more time talking to others: The happiest participants spent 25% less time alone and 70% more time talking than the unhappiest participants. In addition to the difference in the amount of social interactions happy and unhappy people had, there was also a difference in the types of conversations they took part in: The happiest participants had twice as many substantive conversations and one third as much small talk as the unhappiest participants.

These findings suggest that the happy life is social and conversationally deep rather than solitary and superficial. The researchers surmise that — though the current findings cannot identify the causal direction — deep conversations may have the potential to make people happier. They note, “Just as self-disclosure can instill a sense of intimacy in a relationship, deep conversations may instill a sense of meaning in the interaction partners.”
"
"For more information about this study, please contact: Matthias R. Mehl at mehl@email.arizona.edu.

Psychological Science is ranked among the top 10 general psychology journals for impact by the Institute for Scientific Information. For a copy of the article "Eavesdropping on Happiness: Well-being Is Related to Having Less Small Talk and More Substantive Conversations" and access to other Psychological Science research findings, please contact Barbara Isanski at 202-293-9300 or bisanski@psychologicalscience.org.
"
from APS

Anxiety & Estrogen Dominance

2010-04-23T16:46:00.000-04:00

Crazy theory from a crazy website. Though it may not be such a bad idea.

"Why can't they get rid of chemicals? WHY? Through time sucking endometriosis patient interviews, and a pastor in Atlanta, GA I've found that low level constant fear/ stress/ anxiety stops endometriosis patients from getting rid of chemicals. Fear/ stress/ anxiety also increase available histamine levels making it easier for allergies to trigger.

What is low level fear/ stress/ anxiety?

If you are 1 foot away from a rattlesnake, you have an anxiety level of 10. The next day, after being away from the rattle snake, you will should have an anxiety level of 0. This is normal.

What is NOT normal is an anxiety level of 4-5 all the time.

This low level anxiety may be caused by rape, thinking you are going to marry your soul mate and then breaking up, constant fighting with your parents, thinking you want to control the world, but you can't, jumping through hoops to be loved and cared for and. . . . .

NO, endometriosis is a REAL disease. YES, the way you think affects brain chemistry. Brain chemistry affects body chemistry.

Bottom Line? Constant fear/ stress/ anxiety is bad for you. How do you get rid of fear/ stress/ anxiety?

Naturally, the pastor in Atlanta, GA has a 2 week seminar to take care of fear/ stress/ anxiety by making you stronger! NOT avoiding the situation! But by making you stronger. www.pleasantvalleychurch.net. Go to their 2 week seminar.

In fact, fear/stress/anxiety will increase allergies and prevent your body from excreting all chemicals including xenoestrogens. See a scientific study on how fear/stress/anxiety increases allergies.
"
I say this website's crazy because it's trying to sell something. Link: here

Why I prefer organic, free-range meat

2010-04-23T10:53:00.001-04:00

story from the Times about new book Animal Factory

"...The government designation is CAFO, which stands for Concentrated Animal Feeding Operation. Basically it's any farm that has 1,000 "animal units" or more. A beef cow is an animal unit. These animals are kept in pens their entire lives. They're never outside. They never breathe fresh air. They never see the sun.

What are the health and environmental hazards of CAFOs?
For one, you're often no longer feeding animals what they're genetically designed to eat. CAFO cows eat a diet of milled grains, corn,and soybeans when they are supposed to eat grass. The food isn't natural because they very often put growth hormones and antibiotics in it. That becomes a problem when you put that manure on the ground.

And the fact that there are thousands of animals packed into one farm is also a problem.
Oh, definitely. There are simply too many animals in too small of a place. In a traditional farm, a sustainable farm, you grow both crops and animals. There is a pasture and you have a certain number of animals per acre. But when you have 2,000 cows per acre instead of two, you have a problem. You can't fit them in a pasture, you fit them in a building. You can't grow enough crops to feed them; you have to ship in their feed. You don't have enough land to absorb their waste. It has nowhere to go.

So what happens to it?
The manure is liquefied. It gets flushed out into an open lagoon, where it is stored until farmers can use it on what few crops they do grow. There's just so much of it, though. I've seen it sprayed into waterways and creeks. These "lagoons" filled with waste have been known to seep, leak, rupture, and overtop. This stuff is untreated, by the way. We would never allow big open cesspools of untreated human waste to just sit out on the ground near people's homes and schools. And yet because it's agriculture, the rules are different.

You write at length about North Carolina's Neuse River. What happened there?
Hundreds of massive pig farms came into North Carolina in the 1990s. In Animal Factory, I tell the story of Rick Dove, a former marine, who retired and bought a fishing boat. One day he noticed the fish were dying in really weird ways. First there was the algae blooms. Algae creates oxygen during the day through photosynthesis and expels carbon dioxide at night. When that happens, there's literally no oxygen in the water. Everything comes crawling up to the shore in the shallowest part of the river, trying to pump water through their gills. By the morning, they're all dead. Everything: shrimp, crab, little fish called menhaden, eels, bass. People call it a "fish jubilee" cause they can just wade into the river and pick up free food.

Soon after this started happening, Rick Dove noticed the menhaden fish were developing round red circles on their flanks. They'd go into what was called a "death spiral." They just start swimming into little circles and just die. Nobody knew what was causing this. Pretty soon after that, the fisherman, including Rick and his son, noticed they were getting round red sores on their skin in the parts that touched the water. Then they'd get very disoriented. Fisherman would forget where they lived or where they'd docked their boats. Rick started to do some research. One day he read in a science magazine about Pfiesteria, this very odd plankton that emits toxins that stun a fish so it can suck the fish's blood. That's what the lesions were. But the toxin also gets in the air and that's why fishermen were getting disoriented.

Rick wanted to know the source of this problem, so he went up in an airplane. That's how I open Animal Factory, with him looking down at these massive pig farms. Sometimes you can even see the waste runoff going directly going into the water. Other times they're out there spraying night and day because nobody is watching them; you can't see this from the road. There are very few inspectors and they're not going to go out there and monitor everyone.

People probably assume this kind of stuff is regulated but it's not. Or at least not enough. What should the government be doing?
A lot of the laws are on the state and county level, so it depends on the political will and political culture of the individual state. That doesn't mean Democrat or Republican. That means agriculture state versus a state with not a lot of agriculture. What kind of laws have agriculture-friendly states passed? Some states say that if a company spills its manure, it doesn't have to pay to clean it up. The taxpayers pay. If you try to pass pollution standards, the industry complains that they're already too heavily regulated. They claim that if you force them to reduce how much they pollute, they're not going to be able to operate. They're essentially saying that can only make money by polluting and breaking the law. That should be unacceptable to everybody.

You spent three years reporting this story. What stands out?
One time I visited a pig farm, a regular farm — not a factory farm — in Illinois. Right across the street was a hog CAFO. The owner didn't live there, of course. There's no farm house on a factory farm, just business offices. At night all the workers would leave and all I'd hear as I was trying to fall asleep was the sound of the pigs fighting each other, biting each other, squealing, screeching all night long. It was like nothing I've ever heard before in my life and it just didn't' stop. It sounded like kids being tortured over there. I'll never forget that sound. It was very sad.
"
Read more

The National - About Today @ Spin

2010-04-22T21:46:00.003-04:00

This song has a monstrous ending that sounds something like the inside of my head.

The National

2010-04-22T21:27:00.000-04:00

I love suits.

Hot Chip - One Life Stand

2010-04-22T21:15:00.000-04:00

Hot chip. Nerdy in the awesomest way.

Video, here.

Laziness

2010-04-22T18:19:00.000-04:00

Nice little story a kid wrote up trying to figure out what's making him lazy. A lot of different people offer a lot of different answers. I'm thinking deficiency or blood-sugar problem or even hypothyroidism.

Lily Allen's Wikipedia is Very Impressive

2010-04-22T12:56:00.002-04:00

She lived her life, free, did what she wanted, and survived. She's the same age as me. I guess the reason people like that can get away with living a free life like that and I can't is because they have cars or they can easily walk places, and they don't have chronic fatigue. Wikipedia article.

I don't think this person has depression

2010-04-22T12:26:00.001-04:00

from Depression forum" hello everyone,

I was wondering if some of you could help me here. For the past two years I haven't been able to finish anything. I start something and then I quit. The house is a mess. The laundry is piled high, and it takes me all day to finish the dishes.

When my son was 6 months old my husband and I started staying with my mother in law because he had found work in the area. We would pack up each Sunday night and drive an hour and a half to her house and leave on Friday night after he got off work. I became responsible for cleaning both houses. While at MIL's house, my husband slept on the couch we only slept in the same bed during the weekend while we were at our house.

6 months later we ended up moving in with my MIL. My husband continued to sleep on the couch. Sortly after we moved in my husband starting having aches and pains and weight loss that kept him from working.

After about 3 months of living where I am now, I started slacking. My motivation started going down hill and I started sleeping as late as my son would let me. I started crying myself to sleep. I just feel horrible.

In about the same amount of time that it took me to start slacking my marriage has just about disolved. We hardly talk. We just sit there like bumps on a log and stair at the tv. We have no privacy because his mom is always there.

I can't help but to feel that there are 3 adults in the house and that we should all be cleaning. I do admit my husband does clean. But the house, is still a mess. MIL is however a different story. She has fibromyalgia. So she doesn't do much after she gets home from work, or on the weekends.

Now my son is 2 and a half and I can't enjoy spending time with him because I worry about the house, my marriage, and the other things that are going on that are seeming to pile on.

I just don't know what to do anymore.
"

Vitamins for Depression, Revisited

2010-04-22T12:19:00.003-04:00

Listing of what each B-Complex Vitamin Does

AND

Vitamin C, Calcium, Zinc, Iron, Manganese, Potassium, and Magnesium in Depression

AND

Another site about vitamin supplementation for depression

Every day is an exercise in futility

2010-04-21T21:39:00.002-04:00

I need to have something to do in my day that isn't futile. I go to work, get nothing done. It's futile. I get home, dishes are piling in the sink. It's futile. I plan on working when I get home from work but I'm tired and my body aches. It's futile. I try to enjoy sex. It's futile. I try to express myself. It's futile. At least I quit trying to make friends. Or trying to have a rational conversation with my parents. Or anyone for that matter. I accomplish nothing, all day, ever. And people who are supposed to help me out get nothing done. And my leg still hurts. I need a simple life, with money. And someone to take care of me. I want to quit sucking and failing and getting nothing accomplished no matter how hard I try, with everything getting worse and worse every day, dirt piling up, laundry piling up, fatigue piling up, room getting persistently messier, time escaping, dishes piling, pills running out, work piling up just as I'm about to finish what i'm working on thinking I'll be able to relax for a second. I suck at everything.

I am now transferring the personal section of my blog to http://jumesbond.livejournal.com/. It will no longer be posted here, at least for the time being.

2010-04-21T21:30:00.000-04:00

I don't feel like trying. I gotta find a job in 3 months. I gotta find a place to live. I gotta manage to write at the same time. And I gotta push other people all the while. And I just don't have the energy to do anything at all the free, quiet time I manage to find. Either I be anxious or I fall.

Female Orgasm

2010-04-21T20:10:00.002-04:00

I know someone who's exactly like this: "Inevitably when a woman admits to a lack of orgasm during sex, other people helpfully suggest she must be sexually inhibited, sexually ignorant or with a partner who is sexually incompetent."
from http://www.allvoices.com/s/event-5656117/aHR0cDovL3d3dy53YXlzd29tZW5vcmdhc20ub3JnL3RyYW5zZmVycmluZy1v%20cmdhc20tdGVjaG5pcXVlcy10by1zZXg=

Air Pollution & Low IQ

2010-04-21T15:59:00.000-04:00

Psychology Today blog post

How to deal with Procrastination

2010-04-21T15:56:00.000-04:00

"In so many ways, these ruminative thoughts are the irrational thoughts that are at the heart of procrastination. They derail our goal pursuit, and until we can deal with them directly, our emotional reactions to these thoughts will leave us frozen in place, unable to move forward. I know that this is typical of many of the people who have written me to describe their lived experience of procrastination.

A place to start then in terms of personal change and intervention is with these irrational thoughts. So, in closing, because I have written about this issue before, I'll leave you with links to two previous posts that outline how our irrational thoughts are related to procrastination and what we might do about them: Tackling Procrastination: A practical counseling approach and Discomfort Intolerance: Why we might give in to feel good
"
from Don't Delay blog

The Ruminating Perfectionist & Procrastination

2010-04-21T15:54:00.000-04:00

Psychology Today blog post
"The participants completed measures of Perfectionism, BIS/BAS and rumination (e.g., "I spend a great deal of time thinking back over my embarrassing or disappointing moments")."

"I'm fascinated with perfectionism because socially-prescribed perfectionism in particular has been related to procrastination. The more we can understand about perfectionism and the maladaptive processes involved, the more we might be able to address procrastination."

The guy who wrote that blog post studies procrastination: Timothy A. Pychyl, Ph.D.
"A faculty member in the Department of Psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, Canada, Tim and his students devote their attention to understanding why and how we irrationally and needlessly delay intended action. In addition to numerous journal articles on procrastination, he is co-editor of Counseling the procrastinator in academic settings published by the American Psychological Association. His research interest in procrastination complements his passion for teaching with a clear focus on students and their learning - particularly student engagement and self-regulation. He has won numerous teaching awards including the highest Canadian honour for teaching in higher education, a 3M National Teaching Fellowship from the Society for Teaching and Learning Higher Education. Most recently he became the inaugural recipient of the University Medal for Distinguished Teaching. Given his interest in integrating research and teaching, he has taken his research focus on procrastination beyond journals and books to include a cartoon strip and podcasts at his web site procrastination.ca
His PT blog is Don't Delay."

"In their earlier work, Hewitt and Flett had proposed a tripartite model of perfectionism: self-oriented, socially-prescribed and other-oriented. As they write, "self-oriented perfectionism (SOP) is defined broadly as a strong internal motivation to be perfect and to set unrealistic standards for oneself. Socially prescribed perfectionism (SPP) reflects a need to earn and maintain approval from others, coupled with the belief that others expect perfection. The third MPS variable, other-oriented perfectionism, is not considered in this study, as it has been associated with interpersonal difficulty, but not consistently with negative personal symptoms related to cognitive processing" (p. 1).

Of the three types, socially-prescribed perfectionism (or SSP) is of interest because it is primarily maladaptive being associated with depression, suicidal ideation, anxiety and stress. A person who might best be described as a socially-prescribed perfectionist would be a person who read the opening paragraph to this blog and said, "Hey, that's me!""

D's BIS is very strong:"In sum, BAS is a reward-sensitive system, responding to rewards or the cessation of punishment, whereas BIS is a punishment-sensitive system with sensitivity to blocked goals, threats of failure and the possibility of humiliation. Not surprisingly, BIS is closely associated with negative emotions and depression."

2010-04-21T15:39:00.003-04:00

I've gotten fatter since I started taking vitamins & supplements. I don't know if the vitamins are why. You can't see my ribcage as much in the front anymore. I don't think you can see my spine as well in the back either.

For all you young anorexic girls out there, a good way to make yourself thin is to stress yourself out and develop vitamin deficiencies. An anxiety disorder may be an easier way to do this.

2010-04-21T15:33:00.002-04:00

People who think everything will turn out okay in the end are people who have always had things turn out okay in the past.

2010-04-21T15:26:00.002-04:00

I'm really not a fan of ignorance even though everyone else is for it.

5 minutes

2010-04-20T20:16:00.000-04:00

Today I saw my therapist. I was on the verge of crying the whole session, but I was able to keep it in. Still, she sensed it.
When I told her what happened she acted like it was very very awful. I didn't think it was, but now after I think I about it, that may be true. She described it as having a support and having that taken away from you and you falling over. And when I think of it that way, it is true that it is very awful.
My battery is running out. Do I get too much of a reaction from things? I feel like I feel something with ever sentence, every word, every concept, every action...everything means something to me and is unforgettable. Why is my brain like this, why do I feel these weird things...?
I feel pretty lost right now. I feel like someone just threw me into hell an told me to feed myself when I have no idea where to get food. And I don't know how it's possible that I'm not going to die.

2010-04-20T20:10:00.004-04:00

Would I trade myself for the world? Yes.

2010-04-20T20:10:00.001-04:00

I think the idea that I'm overstimulated by sound and visuals might be true.

2010-04-20T19:38:00.000-04:00

I wish I could have faith in people, have more people I could trust.

Facebook status

2010-04-20T19:37:00.004-04:00

I will write anything random that I can come up with now because nothing's on my mind write now yet I still feel like writing something. Weird when my brain shuts off like this. It confuses me. Makes me feel like I could focus on actually getting work done. Seriously strange. Almost as if this is a good thing. Hmph. So this is the state of mind normal people are in most of the time. My brain's completely shut down. If I sit a minute without telling myself to do something I will have no thoughts in my head. Just silence. Fascinating. My brain just shuts off. Hmph. How do I achieve this state of mind without drugs and sleep deprivation? I could get so much done. I could even go back to school. I'd have absolutely nothing in my head to block my concentration on boring things. I have no thoughts in my head, no enthusiasm whatsoever. How did I get this way?

2010-04-20T19:04:00.001-04:00

J is a hopeless case.

2010-04-20T15:44:00.002-04:00

I hate looking for jobs and I refuse to ever do it again.

2010-04-20T15:41:00.000-04:00

I can't hold a job.
D can't hold a job.
We're like two old disabled people. How do old disabled people survive?

2010-04-20T09:10:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure why D thinks he can find a job in 2 months or why he believes we can have anything we want. I don't understand where all these ideas come from despite all the evidence that says otherwise. I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm the only one who takes anything seriously. I wish I had more security. I wish I didn't have lots of financial troubles and physical limitations to look forward to. I wish I had a family. I wish my therapist wasn't the only person who cared about me. I wish I trusted other people more. I wish I had some help. I wish I had more time. I wish I had a job and a place to live. Or D was willing to move into a shelter with me. I wish I had enjoyable things to do. I wish there was something enjoyable to this life other than drinking and raising kids.

I wish I didn't have so much work piled up that I have to do in 2 months. That's the real reason I want to stay here - I just want more time to finish things. I'm going to have to work hard with no free time for 2 months, no breaks. I could do that but I feel tired. And I start getting depressed when I do that so I'm afraid to do it now. If I had something to look forward to after 2 months, like free time, I might be able to do it without getting too depressed, but I probably just have straight non-stop work to look forward to.

I thought I'd get a break. I was under the impression that I would, that I wouldn't have to worry. There's no breaks, no relaxing, no one to help, no one to care. I want to go to another country where I can get money somehow. Then again, supposedly money and freedom don't coexist in any of the same countries.

Meditation

2010-04-19T12:20:00.002-04:00

study on meditation & cognition: here

Hmmm...

2010-04-17T23:11:00.000-04:00

Enotalone.com http://www.enotalone.com/forum/index.php

Loneliness

2010-04-17T23:05:00.000-04:00

"Loneliness: Feeling Cut Out of Life
by Dr. Reena Sommer
Have you ever found yourself in a crowded place feeling completely alone? A few years ago when I traveled through Europe, I felt this way at times when my efforts to communicate in the local language didn't match my ability to actually do so.

Besides from feeling incredibly frustrated, I also felt a sense of detachment and isolation. These feelings were not what I usually experience when I choose to be by myself. They were imposed on me. I didn't want it to be that way.

No matter how hard I tried, I could not stop the feeling of being cut off from the people around me. This feeling of being "cut off" from others is normal in these situations, but it contributes to the debilitating problem of loneliness.

The Need for Social Contact.

Each person is different in the amount of contact they want or need from others. At one end of the spectrum are the social butterflies and party animals. and at the other end are the social recluses and hermits. But no matter where you fall along this line, there is a certain amount of contact with others that is needed to have a sense of well-being and life satisfaction.

The need for social contact and its natural byproduct, "intimacy" has been the subject of considerable research examining physical and mental health, longevity and even intelligence. Mental health workers also recognize the impact of loneliness on people. For example, a common complaint among married couples is feeling lonely within their relationship. They often report not feelings loved, supported or understood by their partner.

It is not surprising then that people look to connect with others from outside their primary relationship (like their husbands, wives, partners) to escape the painful isolation they feel from within!

Self-Sabotage.
A Characteristic of Lonely People

The interesting thing about loneliness is that people often impose it upon themselves. Although this may sound a bit odd, loneliness expert, Dr. Richard Booth, a professor of psychology at Black Hawk College in Moline, Illinois reported that lonely people are their own worst enemies. This is because they retreat from social contact when their unrealistic expectations of relationships do not meet the standards they set.

People may also become alienated by expecting or demanding too much of those around them. Lonely people often suffer from a distorted logic, and hold on to thoughts such as:

"I am alone, therefore no one wants to be with me. If no one wants to be with me, they are not willing to help me escape from my loneliness. If they are not willing to help me, I will reject them too."

This kind of negative cyclical thinking supports and reinforces the reasons why lonely people shun the very thing they crave the most, other people. Lonely people set themselves up for failure by sabotaging opportunities to make friends and acquaintances. They are often described as living on the periphery of life, as if watching from the outside of a fish bowl and wishing that some how they could be inside.

Depression Often Masks Loneliness.

Depression is a problem that often accompanies loneliness. In many cases, depressive symptoms such as withdrawal, anxiety, lack of motivation and sadness mimic and mask the symptoms of loneliness. In these cases, people are often treated for depression without considering the possibility that loneliness may be a contributing and sustaining factor in their condition.

Generally, the debilitating symptoms of depression can usually be managed with antidepressant medication. But when the underlying loneliness is ignored or overlooked, the depressive-like symptoms will probably continue. Unless the reasons for loneliness and depression are separated out, it can easily turn into a "chicken and egg" situation where depression leads to loneliness, and loneliness leads to depression.

When looking for help, it is important to think about what is going on in your life. It is just as important to let your doctor know about what's going on in your life as how you are feeling.

Here are some things you need to keep in mind to help your doctor separate suspected depression from loneliness:

How long have you felt this way?
Would you describe the way you feel now as a different from the way you felt a short while ago, or have you felt this way as long as you can remember?
Has anything changed in your life that may explain why you feel this way (for example, a relationship break up, a move, loss of a job)?
When you have the chance to be around people, do you socialize or do you shy away from them?
If you have taken anti-depressant medication in the past, has it helped you get back that "good feeling" about yourself, or does it make very little difference in how you feel?
Things You Can Do to Counteract Loneliness.

If it is too difficult to be with people for the sake of socializing, take a course, join a book club, gym, or parent group, or take up a new hobby that involves group participation.
If shyness is a problem, join an organization such as Toastmasters or sign up for an assertiveness training course that caters specifically to these kinds of concerns.
Reach out to others and you will be surprised at how responsive they can be - getting involved in volunteer work is an excellent and non-threatening place to begin.
Do some serious reality checking about what you expect of others and yourself - therapy is an excellent way to get the feedback you need to move on.
Loneliness can really limit peoples' ability to be apart of fulfilling opportunities and relationships. Take the bold step and reach outside of yourself and you will be surprised to find what you have been missing!

©2003 Dr. Reena Sommer"
from http://www.singlescafe.net/loneliness.html

Depression - causes

2010-04-17T22:55:00.000-04:00

"SOME ATTEMPTS AT EXPLANATION

Biological
Some theories propose that clinical depression in caused by a biological problem. Sleep and eating (vegetative functions) problems are often used as evidence for the biological theories as is the fact that people who are depressed often respond to anti-depressant medication. Recent research made possible by non-invasive techniques (MRI, CAT) have shown that the brains of people experiencing depression show marked variations in the absorption of serotonin and norepinephrine. giving greater credibility to the biological bases for depression. Both the older and newer generations of anti-depressant medications deal directly with these neurotransmitter, often preventing their re-uptake making them more available at the synapses. If, ultimately, depression as we know it turns out to be a "biochemical disorder," the temptation may be to overlook the psychological components that are a part of this illness. Psychological reactions are a part of every illness and need to be addressed if the suffering individual is to be helped.

Psychological: Failure to live up to ideal

Psychological theories have traditionally explained depression as "Anger turned inward against the self." If you fail to live up to some internal standard of who or what you are supposed to be, some internal watchdog notes your failure and begins to let you know that you haven't been all that you could be--depression. People often talk about being angry with themselves because they have not accomplished or achieved or done what they think they should have. This explanation accounts for the diminished self esteem depressed people often report.

Psychological: Problems expressing anger

Often depressed people report having great difficulties expressing any kind of anger. Instead of becoming angry with someone who has provoked them, the anger is turned inward against some part of the self. They don't even kick the cat; they kick themselves. These people have a way of making everything their own fault so that no matter what happens, they can blame themselves. Others talk about anger as a useless emotion, i.e., "What good does getting angry do anyway?" Intellectually, they attempt to convince themselves and others that anger accomplishes nothing so why bother. What they don't realize is that this style drives anger beneath the surface and forces it to find a more indirect avenue for expression.

Psychological: Empathic failures

Depression also seems to be the reaction to empathic failures on the part of others. When important people fail to understand, recognize, acknowledge, appreciate, or respond in a way that we hoped they would, that can be a sufficient injury to produce a depression. It is as if their failure delivers the message that we are not good enough, worthwhile or important. It is a slight to our self esteem and it does not even have to be of major proportions. Some people are more sensitive to this kind of injury because of their personal history, so a small slight may well have the same psychological importance as a major rebuff

Psychological: Reactions to life events

Certain events that occur as a part of life carry depression as a component. Endings, separations. losses, and death elicit strong emotional reactions in those who are experiencing them; depression is often a part. More specifically, divorce, moving to a new place, graduations, the end of a romantic relationship, a good friend moving away, the completion of a major project, the death of a loved one are examples of normal events that can evoke strong, reactive depressions. These depressions are a part of a more global emotional state known as "mourning" when an individual withdraws his energies from other activities and seemingly reinvests them in himself. Loss is experienced as a wound and the individual needs time to heal, to restore his psychic equilibrium. The period following loss is a time of reassessment and revision. Loss requires a new adjustment, a learning to do without whatever has been lost. It is a slow process and often a confusing time as people try to work out how their life is going to be now. Periods of mourning and its attendant depression that stretch beyond three years, however, should be carefully assessed. This otherwise normal process may have taken on some pathological elements."

from http://www.uic.edu/orgs/convening/depress.htm

Think about it

2010-04-17T20:34:00.002-04:00

In every dark or depressing movie, there's always someone with sexual issues.

Photographs to kill time

2010-04-15T20:17:00.003-04:00

Pictures of Kittens

Dear friend

2010-04-14T14:00:00.000-04:00

Yeah, it's your birthday. I was planning on talking to you but I feel like I have to back off, keep a wall up.

I don't hate you but I feel like I have to avoid you to protect myself.

I've had depression for over a decade. You've had it for a couple of years. Whenever I talk to you, you shine the spotlight on yourself. Everything's about your feelings. If I ever try to complain about my feelings, you turn the spotlight around and tell me I'm cold and always thinking about myself. I understand that depression makes it this way, so that you can't see the pain of people around you, but sometimes you gotta open your eyes despite the strong feelings that are inside you. Listen to people when they talk. You're not the only one in the world who's suffering, even though all you can feel is your own suffering. Rationalize. I've had this five times longer than you at least.

You're one of the few people I know who has emotions, and I need people like that in my life. People who care and want to be cared about. People who stay in touch and don't just throw away their friends. People who understand that concept. They're rare. But it's because of that that I have to stay away from you. Because being cared about by someone then being slapped in the face by that same person is one of the worst things in the world. What you do is like putting food in front of a starving person then telling them they're selfish and taking it away. Then asking them why they didn't have the morals and the heart to give you the food.

I can't talk to you because I'm afraid to give you the impression that I want you as more than just a superficial friend. I'm afraid that talking with you would put you in that position than I'd be stuck in a confused emotional state, like I have been for to long. I've learned not to connect with people...maybe my strong ability to feel is what makes me an introvert.

Being close friends with you is just wrong. I don't know if there's anyone in the world I can trust, but they've gotta exist, somewhere. I just can't let you kill that hope 'cause that seems to be what keeps me from sliding back down.

And I know you're not reading this. You pretended you'd read it then never did. I'm not sure what to make of that.

Do Americans have emotions?

2010-04-14T13:38:00.001-04:00

I've lived in America my whole life. What I know about people is based off people I've known here.

Other people, it seems cry about hopelessness maybe once or a few times a year. I do it maybe monthly or weekly, depending on how well my life is going. What I wonder is what people do in those rare circumstances when they feel that way. It seems like they just have a superficial conversation with a superficial friend and it's over. After a few days or a few months, it's fixed and everything's better. Then they spend the next few months or even years of their lives devoid of feeling.

How do they do it? And do they even feel anything while they're down? I can't imagine that they could if it gets resolved that easily, without anything other than someone saying, "you'll be okay" or "just think of it this way" or whatever.

No feelings. Or very little feelings. And the friend is probably using fake sympathy, fake empathy. The friend feels nothing at all.

I'm a completely different species. Maybe I just haven't eaten enough American food to alter my neurochemistry so that I have American feelings. Bah.

2010-04-14T12:57:00.002-04:00

According to this, I'm not depressed, at least not today. Of course, I've been feeling good since yesterday...with no frustration attacks and whatnot:
http://depression.about.com/cs/amidepressed/a/sadness.htm?nl=1

Hmm...if I'm not depressed that explains why cognitive behavioral therapy doesn't work for me.

Med Schol & Depression

2010-04-14T12:51:00.001-04:00

Funny how I saw the poster on this paper at the convention I was just at and now they're writing about it on About.com. (It's really from the Archives of General Psychiatry website): More Doctors Become Depressed During Internship. I think I must have the variant form of that gene.

This is further proof that I shouldn't go to school unless I just want to worsen my depression. I have all of the predisposing factors. What's with the U.S. medical education? If you go to med school in another country you're less likely to get depressed afterwards?

"Factors that were associated with increased depression symptoms included being female, U.S. medical education, difficult early family environment, a history of depression, increased work hours, perceived medical errors and stressful life events. Medical specialty and age, however, were not associated with increased depression.

The researchers also looked at whether research subjects having a less functional version of a serotonin transporter gene called 5HTTLPR were more prone to depression during the internship period and found that those having this gene had a significantly greater increase in depression symptoms during the high-stress time of their internships."

Alcoholism & the Military

2010-04-14T11:02:00.000-04:00

Army Seeking More Counselors After 56 Percent Increase in Soldiers Getting Treatment By SARAH NETTER Feb. 22, 2010-
from ABC News

After Army Sgt. Edison Bayas' car finally came to a rest on its roof, his jumbled, drunken thoughts immediately turned to the men he left in Iraq, as if he was still on the battlefield.

But he wasn't in Iraq. He was in an El Paso intersection with a blood alcohol content more than three times the legal limit, his 19-year-old victim nearly decapitated in her car a few feet away.

Bayas, a decorated career soldier, is now serving a 15-year-prison sentence for intoxication manslaughter. He's just one of thousands of soldiers whose problems with alcohol spun out of control in the midst of two wars, mounting pressure and a continuing stigma that macho guys don't get help.

After years of increasing alcohol abuse within their ranks, soldiers are now seeking treatment in record numbers, according to new figures put out by the Army.

Nearly 9,200 soldiers sought treatment for alcohol abuse in 2009, a 56 percent increase since the war in Iraq started. Another 11,892 were required to undergo "alcohol education" -- a 16 to 20 hour course for soldiers who were disciplined for an alcohol-related incident, but not found to have an actual abuse problem.

"There has always been a healthy work-hard, play-hard ethos to the military," Tom Tarantino, legislative director for the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans Association, told ABCNews.com. "It can turn very quickly over from being recreational to a problem."

Drinking with Army buddies is a legacy that goes back likely as long as the Army itself. But as military brass worries over increases in substance abuse, suicides and mental health issues in its active-duty service members and veterans, alcohol use has come to be seen as a serious problem, rather than a rite of passage.

Army officials say 85 percent of the soldiers who seek outpatient substance abuse treatment are there because of alcohol. The Army is now in the midst of a nationwide search for additional counselors in an effort to reduce the wait time for help from days down to hours. There is currently one counselor for every 2,000 soldiers.

But is it too little too late? Maybe, some soldiers and veterans say.

"I don't necessarily think they pay enough attention until it's too late," said Brian, a three-tour Fort Hood area soldier who did not want his last name used.

More than two years sober and on temporary disability from the Army with traumatic brain injury and other extensive combat-related medical problems, Brian said it was the realization that his career in the military was over that prompted him to get treatment.

"I realized I wasn't ever going to have a job that was going to enable me to drink like in the military," Brian said.

Soldier on Alcohol Abuse: 'I'd Drink Until My Body Shut Down'
Brian, a social drinker when he signed up for the Army nearly 12 years ago, said he began drinking in earnest after his first deployment to Iraq in 2003. Involved in four separate bomb attacks in that one tour, "I started drinking heavily to mask the pain."

No one, he said, would have respect a commander who whined about his pain and took sick leave.

"Every night it was a minimum of a 12-pack, up to 24," he said. "I stayed at home, would sit and drink until 10 'o clock. I'd drink until my body shut down."

By Brian's third tour in 2005, he was slamming the "near beers" you could buy on base that smelled like the real thing and had a very low alcohol content. He'd also get real beer in care packages from friends and family that didn't realize he was addicted.

His soldiers would sometimes smell the alcohol on him, but Brian said he'd always have an excuse to brush it off.

When a potential fourth tour raised questions about his physical ability to lead his command -- he'd had multiple shoulder surgeries and had mesh implanted in his abdomen -- Brian was put into the Army's Warrior Transition Unit for injured soldiers. And that's where he realized he had to stop drinking.

He called his wife and told her he was going to get treatment. He later found out she'd already been planning to take the children and leave him.

Tarantino, a retired Army captain, said stories like Brian's drive home the need for more attention to combat-related mental health issues.

"Alcohol abuse is a symptom of the larger problem. It is not the larger problem," he said.

Army brass rhetoric has repeatedly sought to assure the public that treatment for any mental health problems will not negatively affect a soldier's career, but some say they still fear being seen as weak.

"There is a stigma with saying 'I need help,'" Tarantino said. "We're all taught to be strong and macho and we can lift the world on our shoulders."

Young Soldiers Disproportionately Affected by Alcohol Abuse In Bayas' case, his problems with alcohol went back years, even before he deployed to Iraq.

His attorney, Miguel Villalba, said Bayas, 36, had curbed his drinking after two DUI arrests in the 1990s, while he was in the Army.

But after pulling his best friend's body out of an exploded tank on his first tour in Iraq in 2004 and going through a divorce after he got home, he went back to the bottle. And, his lawyers argued, it was no secret he had a problem. Looking at his 18-year military record, "his alcohol issue was never really addressed."

"That he had a drinking problem was known to the world," Villalba said. "And this was happening at a time when he was being given all kinds of commendations."

The drunk driving accident that killed the 19-year-old college student happened just 10 days after Bayas got back from Iraq. He plowed through her car, which was stopped for a red light, going 60 mph without ever slowing down.

When police on scene asked him where he was headed, Villalba said, Bayas responded, "I was on my way to get my men. I was in Iraq. I was on my way to get my men."

Bayas, his lawyer said, was not diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder until after his arrest. He pleaded guilty to the manslaughter charge.

"He accepted full responsibility for it," Villalba said. "The effects of what has happened have been ravaging" for Bayas and the victim's family.

The majority of the soldiers seeking counseling for alcohol abuse are young -- 18 to 25 years old.

Army spokesman Hank Minitrez told ABCNews.com that they are trying to do better with reaching the young soldiers earlier.

"For many, shipping out for the Army is the first time away from home for our young soldiers, so they are experimenting with life so to speak," Minitrez wrote in an e-mail. "We are also dealing with younger brains that have not fully developed their executive functions -- that little guy on our shoulder that says, 'Don't do it!'"

Alcohol Abuse in the Army Fuels Legal, Financial, Domestic Problems Gary Klozenbucher, clinical director of the Army Substance Abuse Program at Fort Riley in Kansas, told ABCNews.com that most of the soldiers they see in treatment are in the early stages of their addiction.

Some come in scared after being referred by a commander, he said. Others are defiant and insist they have their drinking under control. While many come in with a mix of substance abuse issues, alcohol is "absolutely" the most prevalent.

But Klozenbucher wasn't convinced that deployments create alcohol problems.

"The majority of the time, the soldiers that we are seeing that have identified as having alcohol and drug problems after a deployment, most of those soldiers have had some history prior to the deployment," he said. "As far as the development of a drug problem, that can play a major role in the progression of the addiction."

He did concur, however, that alcohol abuse can be a catalyst for a host of other problems seen in Fort Riley soldiers, including legal, financial and domestic issues.

"Certainly we're seeing those problems with our soldiers," Klozenbucher said. "There are a strong relationships with drug and alcohol problems."

Experts -- both current Army employees and veterans -- say the difference between today's soldiers and previous generations is that alcohol is viewed as more of a problem rather than a bonding experience.

"Back when I was in the Army, back in the 1970s and '80s, we assumed drinking was mandatory," joked Larry Scott, an Army veteran and founder of vawatchdog.org, which keeps tabs on programs and news about the Army and Veterans Affairs. "Really don't recall too many people who didn't drink."

Scott even remembered a commander in Korea once pleading with his soldiers to try and keep it to two on-duty drinks at lunch.

"Drinking was as big a problem then as it is now. It just wasn't as highlighted," he said. "I would say they're moving in the right direction."

2010-04-13T22:26:00.002-04:00

I'm horribly afraid of religious people.

2010-04-13T22:19:00.001-04:00

The more Bill O'Reilly talks, the more hatable he becomes.

2010-04-13T21:45:00.002-04:00

Why are brits so much smarter than American?

Therapy Today

2010-04-13T18:39:00.002-04:00

So, this is what therapy is like for me.

One part of it, which is actually a huge part of it is the emotional connection. My therapist is like my mother to me. She always supportive. She acts like she cares about me. And, in reality, she says she cares about me. Well, what she says is that I'm not like just another person who she randomly met in Starbucks. But what used to get me in therapy even before I started to feel like she cared about me was her support. She was always on my side, which was a rare experience for me. One reason this meant a lot to me is because I'm always doubting myself. I'd come out of therapy no longer feeling crazy. I'm almost constantly full of strong negative feelings, thinking I'm crazy, but when I talk to my therapist she acts like my feelings are justified, that it's normal to feel those in the situations that I'm in. I really think that one of the biggest things that makes me crazy is feeling like I'm crazy, and when I leave therapy each week my mood is improved 50% because of this....crazy, but sometimes that's all it takes. The other reason her being supportive means a lot to me is because I always feel like everyone is against me. I feel like everyone is against my opinions, my beliefs, my feelings, everything that's in my head. Feeling like my therapist cares about me or feeling like anyone cares about me is a huge hurdle for me. But, because she flat out said it and because of the way she acts, my therapist has me convinced for the most part that she does care. This makes me feel like I'm not alone. The air feels less thin.

I need support. I'm not sure if I need someone to tell me I'm awesome, but I need someone to tell me I'm alright.

Another part of therapy is the clarity that it brings. My therapist will make me think of things I never thought of before and usually these things make me understand why I felt a certain way. For example, I'll have a situation in which I'll feel angry and think there's something wrong with me because I don't think anyone else would be affected by the situation. Then I'll bring it out in therapy and we'll explore why it is that I had the reaction that I did. Once I realize what it was, everything becomes clearer. Usually when I get emotional reactions I don't truly know the reason on a personal level why I had the reaction that I did. There's usually one reason underneath it all that leads to set of thoughts and an emotional reaction. Often the reason things make me angry is because it relates to some stressful situation that occurred in the past, but not always. With this clarity I can figure out what I can do to fix my life. And I feel less crazy because it justifies my feelings. And, just knowing what's causing my feelings can make them less intimidating. They don't hurt so bad.

There's also a general sense of clarity beyond clarity of feelings that comes with therapy. I talk about things I normally don't talk about in a way I don't normally talk about them. I talk about friends who I don't normally talk about. I talk about personal issues. It lifts the fog over what is happening in my life and helps me think of what to do about things.

My childhood isn't a huge topic that comes up in therapy but my relationship with my parents is. My therapist often asks me how I relate to my parents. We'll figure out if there's certain habits I share with them. I often feel like I come to realize that I have certain assumptions about the world based off things that happened with my parents. For example, sometimes I'll talk about difficulties in social situations and she'll ask me how my parents act in social situations. Unfortunately, the truth is that people pick up much of their social habits not from their friends but from their parents. I do believe parents have a big influence on how you grow up especially if they're around a lot.

My therapist will help me recognize bad habits that I have. For example, I often come to realize that I have too positive of a view of how a situation will turn out then get let down once it turns out just the opposite. I still haven't figured out if I'm in the wrong in approaching situations with positivity. An example of where this happens is in making friends. I expect to get too close to friends too fast and get let down when I find out they don't care about me. My opinion on this matter is that if I felt more close to and cared for by people who I have around now, I wouldn't try to rush in so fast to relationships with new friends. I'm very borderline in that sense.

Therapy isn't necessarily about childhood but I do feel like childhood plays a big part. Childhood and adolescence is where we form a lot of our views, habits, cognitions about the world. In young adulthood it's not like we're starting anew. The past is always there and the past is something you'll need to fix if it's still messing with you. If you were picked on your whole childhood then in adulthood everyone's suddenly nice to you, you're not going to start automatically trusting people as if nothing happened.

I don't know how much my therapist actually uses cognitive-behavioral therapy. I don't feel like it's used that much but I could be wrong.

For me, aIl my knowledge about cognitive-behavioral therapy came from reading Feeling Good. And it mostly helped with anxiety and agitation because it taught me not to care about things. It helped with depressed feelings a little bit but didn't cure it. At first I felt really good but then the depressing truth of reality set in. The depressing truth that I'm alone. Then I guess I needed to go back to therapy to fix that feeling. I don't know if therapy will help me fix my life so that I don't need therapy anymore. Alone is the big word. Alone in the world. Feeling crazy. Feeling below everyone, feeling worthless. Feeling too sensitive, overly-human.

My parents hurt me because they destroy my freedom. I don't understand how other people live constrained and feel happy. I've been trying to figure that out my whole life. The only constrained people who ever complained about it were the prisoners of the Nazis but everyone else acts like constraint is just fine and dandy. But freedom is important to me. I don't know what the point of living is without it. I should be able to live whatever life I want without them knowing, but every time I try to I feel a sensation like being stabbed in the head. That feelings gotten better with all the vitamins and supplements I've been taking.

Feeling cared for by my parents is like being raped by someone and having them say, "If I didn't love you, why would I be fucking you?" That's exactly how it feels.

Social Psychology -- Parents' Cognitive Flaws & Assumptions

2010-04-13T16:46:00.000-04:00

a. Assuming the you know the thoughts inside other people's heads. For example, assuming that everyone is evaluating you all the time and determining your status.
b. Believing that choosing a career in something other than biomedical science or neuroscience research is exactly like choosing an art career and is therefore risky. Even if it's something that requires very little imagination.
c. Believing that someone who gets good grades in school yet contradicting yourself by disspelling everything that person says as wrong and ill-informed.
d. Believing that the only people who have an educated opinion are those of high educational status within the respective field then going to that person already have an opinion of what you expect to hear then asking them the right questions to get them to say what you want and ignoring any but's, or's or any other information.
e. Assuming that people are obedient and have a lot of respect for your opinion because you are in a certain position. (For example, as an authority figure).
f. Assuming that people will love you no matter how much you hurt them or control them because you are in a certain position. (For example, a relative).
g. Believing that, because a relative asks about your children when you talk to them once a year, that means they really care and are thinking about your children all the time.

I will come back to this later and write some more.

Let's think about life for a sec

2010-04-13T16:28:00.000-04:00

I'm hungry.

So, uh, I had a lot of funny thoughts in my head a few minutes ago and now they're all gone. People patch up the holes in their consciousness. That's pretty much the answer to all the questions you'll ever have about life. I do it too. But, I swear, I don't do it as bad as others. Here's why - I don't make up facts that don't exist. I do lie to myself by covering up facts, pushing them to the side. That I have done a few times. But this idea of making assumptions based on little to no knowledge and then calling it fact is not something I feel like I'm capable of doing. But everyone in my family does it.

Some examples, taken from a conversation I just had:
a. Deciding journalism is a career in which it is hard to keep a family or get married because you will be travelling a lot. Who wants to marry someone who will be gone for months at a time? Assuming that you will always have to be taking orders under someone as a journalist. Assuming that you will not be able to take off if you're sick.
b. Deciding someone who went to a certain prestigous school must be highly intelligent because they went to that school and got good grades.
c. Assuming someone who says they are going for a career change has not put a lot of thought into that career change just because you think it's the wrong choice.
d. Believing that not going to school is the easy way out even though you contradict yourself by saying that not going to school will make life tough.
e. Assuming everyone has the same ideals as you and had a similar life experience even when they grew up in a country on the other side of the globe.
f. Assuming your career is the best, easiest career there is and that life is extremely difficult outside of your career.
g. Assuming that just because someone did well in school in the past that means they were cut out for school (Okay, I guess I better let that one slide).

Well, there's more but that's all for now. Because now I want to focus on writing one of these based on my parents.

Tomorrow's Therapy

2010-04-12T16:35:00.003-04:00

I've decided I'm going to talk to my therapist about feeling uncared for. That and narcisstic feelings, feeling a need to be right or on top and more than just average...feeling like I don't just want to be lost in the crowd. I don't know where this will go. I still need to talk to her about anger issues, being frustrated with people, I mean...feeling like I can't relate... I need to talk to her about whether I love my parents... I have too much I need to talk about. I'll have to remember to stick to my uncared-for problems tomorrow.

Never try too hard

2010-04-11T18:28:00.001-04:00

I think that's the biggest thing I've learned this year that's had the greatest influence on me. I think somehow reading "Feeling Good" drove that into my head.

I've got to get to the bottom of this

2010-04-10T11:59:00.001-04:00

I have issues with feeling like people don't like me an di don't know why ii should. when people don't talk to me i feel neglected and forgettable. i feel really triival. and i think that when people aren't talking to me and seem to be ignoring me it's becuae they don't like me. like they're trying to gentl push me out of their lives. and maybe they are, but i shouldn't care. i feel like i can't be too weird or say anything too out of the ordinary or i'll scare people off. like i can only say what i know theyll accept becauase if i say certain things, certain beliefs that i have, they won't understand it and it will seeem completely crazy to them. i don't want peple to think i'm weird, creepy, or crazy. i don't want people to think ew, what's with that person, i just don't understand them. and shove me away. i wish i could relate to people. i wish i could talk to them. i wish i could b closer to peple. but how do other people do it? do they sorta lie to themselves and push these thoguhts to the side, these thoughts that they won't be able to truly relate to people on a less than superficial level? and do peple care about me? would anyone other than d take care of me if i needed it? would anyone love me no matter how crazy the thought some of my thoughts are? i hate making new friends because it makes me think of this more. it makes the distance more apparent. i live in some other alien world and i just can't relate to people. why do i feel this way? why does no one else? am i reading into thngs to much? why do i read into it alt all?
see here's the difference. devin broke through the wall. he's relatable to me. but other people i feel are thinking things about me, judging me. that's what the difference is. everyone else can act like themselves and not feel judged or misunderstood, but i always feel like that. why? why do i feel so hated? why can't i just be who i am and have friends? why do i even try? i should shut off my facebook account. i don't know if i could make any friends in the real world. for now i need to try and believe that devin isn't the only one. or i need to drown out the facts that keep bugging me. facts that i'm misunderstood and everyone thinks i'm crazy. and th fact that people don't like when you're differnt.

i need proof that somebody likes me for nonsuperficia reasons. but why?

I used to think that no one's attracted to the unhappy face. Now I know that that's wrong. I guess I just have t find out where to look.

2010-04-09T17:31:00.000-04:00

"Two days later, after receiving his B-complex shots, Paul remarked that we must have injected him with an amphetamine."
from Trans4Mind

Antidepressant account

2010-04-09T17:01:00.002-04:00

Very nice: here

2010-04-09T16:06:00.001-04:00

I feel like I'm in the no man's land of my life. i don't know anything. i don't know who i am. i can't define my life. can't think of what's going on in it, where it's at, where i am in it, what i'm feeling.

This is important.

2010-04-09T13:55:00.000-04:00

fuck, i just realized something. yesterday, i skipped my 2 pm aternoon snack...i went more than 5 hours without eating...i felt okay at the time, but it was around then that i think maybe this started (see previous post below). Is that really all it takes?

down again

2010-04-09T12:31:00.002-04:00

so yup, my mood went down again. i'm not sure why, but i do notice blood sugar problems. specifically, i felt hungrier than usual when i tried to eat lunch at 11:20 this morning - i at almost twice as mucha as i usually eat...and...i still feel hungry. my blood sugar feels low...i got that weird feeling. i drank some water which seemed to help my mood a lot, though i still feel a hunger, feel like snacking. i was feeling kinda worthless this morning...like, not like i'm a piece of crap, but not like i've got any worth either. got to thinking about how i feel disconnected from people and wondered if that had anything to do with it. still not sure. i still feel disconnected to people right now. i'm not sure how to feel connected or if that's my fault.

last night was when i started feeling very mildly depressed. i didn't want to go to bed. i didn't feel sad, just neutral. neutral in the sense that there isn't anything good or bad about life, it just is. then this morning is when i started to notice that my mood went from neutral to mild discomfort. i still don't feel like crying, but thinking about this is starting to make me feel that way. i don't know why this is happening. i think part of my problem is that i have too much to do today...i feel like i'm always running and always falling behind. that's my life...why isn't anyone else's life like that? do other people feel that way and does it bother them?
i'm beginning to feel a little neutral again right now. i still need something good to think about and can't think of anything. my subject today was a generally happy person who is homeless by definition and can't find a job. he says it bothers him, makes him feel down but not depressed, says he still generally enjoys his life thanks to sex and drinking. think about that a bit. if i just had some reason to enjoy life, i wonder if i'd be as happy as he is.
i do think my mood went down after i realized i had additional work to do yesterday after class. not sure why that should have such a huge affect on me--seems stupid...

really, i'm not sure if my blood sugar is down, but i just feel like eating.
my therapist, when i told her about my problem, seemed to try hinting at me that my emotions cause my blood sugar to get bad not the other way around. usually, that isn't the case - i clearly have emotional crashes when i haven't eaten...but it's very possible that, on days like today, maybe she's right...i don't know

Schizoid Personality Case Study

2010-04-08T13:22:00.002-04:00

"
The Schizoid Patient - A Case Study Notes of first therapy session with Mark, male, 36, diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder

Mark sits where instructed, erect but listless. When I ask him how he feels about attending therapy, he shrugs and mumbles "OK, I guess". He rarely twitches or flexes his muscles or in any way deviates from the posture he has assumed early on. He reacts with invariable, almost robotic equanimity to the most intrusive queries on my part. He shows no feelings when we discuss his uneventful childhood, his parents ("of course I love them"), and sad and happy moments he recollects at my request.

Mark veers between being bored with our encounter and being annoyed by it. How would he describe his relationships with other people? He has none that he can think of. In whom does he confide? He eyes me quizzically: "confide?" Who are his friends? Does he have a girlfriend? No. He shares pressing problems with his mother and sister, he finally remembers. When was the last time he spoke to them? More than two years ago, he thinks.

He doesn't seem to feel uneasy when I probe into his sex life. He smiles: no, he is not a virgin. He has had sex once with a much older woman who lived across the hall in his apartment block. That was the only time, he found it boring. He prefers to compile computer programs and he makes nice money doing it. Is he a member of a team? He involuntarily recoils: no way! He is his own boss and likes to work alone. He needs his solitude to think and be creative.

That's precisely why he is here: his only client now insists that he collaborates with the IT department and he feels threatened by the new situation. Why? He ponders my question at length and then: "I have my working habits and my long-established routines. My productivity depends on strict adherence to these rules." Has he ever tried to work outside his self-made box? No, he hasn't and has no intention of even trying it: "If it works don't fix it and never argue with success."

If he is such a roaring success what is he doing on my proverbial couch? He acts indifferent to my barb but subtly counterattacks: "Thought I'd give it a try. Some people go to one type of witch doctor, I go to another."

Does he have any hobbies? Yes, he collects old sci-fi magazines and comics. What gives him pleasure? Work does, he is a workaholic. What about his collections? "They are distractions". But do they make him happy, does he look forward to the time he spends with them? He glowers at me, baffled: " I collect old magazines." - he explains patiently - "How are old magazines supposed to make me happy?".
"
from Buzzle

COMT, Dopamine, & Schizophrenia

2010-04-05T16:32:00.003-04:00

"
Val158Met (rs4680), a functional single nucleotide polymorphism (a common normal variant) of the gene for catechol-O-methyl transferase, has been shown to affect cognitive tasks broadly related to executive function,[5] such as set shifting, response inhibition, abstract thought, and the acquisition of rules or task structure.[citation needed] This polymorphism in the COMT gene results in the substitution of the amino acid valine for methionine at codon 158, thus the name Val158Met for the polymorphism. It has been shown that this valine variant catabolizes dopamine at up to four times the rate of its methionine counterpart, resulting in a significant reduction of synaptic dopamine following neurotransmitter release, ultimately reducing dopaminergic stimulation of the post-synaptic neuron. As a consequence, neurons with valine-variant COMT show higher levels of activation during certain cognitive tasks, as they require higher levels of neuron firing to achieve the same level of post-synaptic stimulation.

The link between impairments in these sorts of cognitive tasks and the COMT gene is thought to be mediated by an effect on dopamine signaling in the frontal lobes.

Comparable effects on similar cognitive tasks, the frontal lobes, and the neurotransmitter dopamine have also all been linked to schizophrenia. It is not surprising, then, that an inherited variant of COMT is thought to be one of the genetic factors that may predispose someone to developing schizophrenia later in life, naturally or due to adolescent-onset cannabis use.[6]"
from Wikipedia

Suggestibility

2010-04-05T13:01:00.000-04:00

Okay, based off this, you'd think I have high self-esteem and am very assertive...but most people would say I'm the opposite. My self-esteem and assertivenes are high in the intellectual/mind realm,but not in the doing things/forcing on others realm....think they messed up?

"However, psychologists have found that individual levels of self-esteem, assertiveness, and other qualities can make some people more suggestible than others — i.e., they act on others' suggestions more of the time than other people. This has resulted in this being seen as a spectrum of suggestibility." from wikipedia

How to figure out if your hypoglycemia is due to Adrenal Fatigue

2010-04-04T11:23:00.002-04:00

How to article here: How to figure out if your hypoglycemia is due to Adrenal Fatigue.

2010-04-02T09:27:00.001-04:00

i have too many issues. i keep wishing i had people who were there for me when i needed them. i keep wishing it was okay to talk about being sick or depressed with friends who aren't especially close.

i wish i wasn't so depressed. i wish i wasn't so insane. i wish i didn't keep wanting to cling to people who show the slightest bit of support even though they could be bad for me (eg jess). i wish people would understand. i wish everythign that was going on with me wasn't so foreign to the rest of the world. i wish i didn't hate my parents. i wish i could just get it out.

i hate being alone. i hate being unknown. i hate how distant i am. i want to be somewher ewhere i can be honest. where being depressed isn't a bad thing and where icrying about pain doesn't make people just ignore you.

i don't know if there is such a thing or if i'll ever have friends. or a family. or if anyone will truly care about me. if anyone would go out of their way to help me. or if anyone even could do anythign for me. i don't know what anyone could do other than understand. i hate having friends who aren't really close.

2010-03-31T14:59:00.002-04:00

Hypoglycemia & myocardial infarction http://www.sciencedirect.com/science?_ob=ArticleURL&_udi=B6T16-4K719PH-3&_user=5755111&_coverDate=02%2F14%2F2007&_rdoc=1&_fmt=high&_orig=search&_sort=d&_docanchor=&view=c&_searchStrId=1276646786&_rerunOrigin=google&_acct=C000000150&_version=1&_urlVersion=0&_userid=5755111&md5=41b8b903ccdd941cf0e818122eef6b76

2010-03-31T11:05:00.000-04:00

I wonder if this book would help me: Living Creatively With Chronic Illness

Anger Types

2010-03-31T10:28:00.000-04:00

I have am about 1/2 the people on this list: http://www.sandf.org/articles/IDAnger.asp

2010-03-31T10:06:00.002-04:00

Someone give me something to be happy about. Give me something to look forward to. My heart is beating in strange ways due to my blood sugar issues and it makes the whole of me feel weird. It's not pleasant.

Hypoglycemia & Adrenal Fatigue

2010-03-30T15:28:00.002-04:00

I've just got to figure out what's going on in my body when I'm hypoglycemic. Why won't it go away?

"Hypoglycemia commonly occurs during adrenal fatigue when low epinephrine, norepinephrine and cortisol are combined with the high insulin levels of stress.* The low levels of adrenal hormones that can occur during adrenal fatigue may fail to raise blood glucose enough to meet the increased demand.* As a result, the cells do not get the glucose and other nutrients they require, and the person may crave sugar as well as feel tired, shaky and weak.
...
Circulating epinephrine, norepinephrine and cortisol help the liver convert glycogen (stored glucose) into active blood glucose which is necessary for energy production. Their presence also facilitates the conversion of fats, proteins and carbohydrates into glucose (gluconeogenesis). These reserve energy pools largely controlled by adrenal hormones are critical to achieving and maintaining normal blood sugar levels, and thus energy levels, especially during stress. Without adequate adrenal activity to prompt the conversion of glycogen, fats, proteins and carbohydrates into new glucose supplies, this increased demand for higher blood glucose levels is difficult or impossible to meet.*
...
People with adrenal fatigue are in a real bind because when they are under stress (even a mild stress such as a math exam or an argument at home), demand for blood glucose increases, but their fatigued adrenals have difficulty producing enough of the necessary hormones to generate higher glucose levels from reserves.

So I should keep a constant intake of sugar when talking with my parents?
Further complicating this matter is that during stress, insulin levels are increased because the demand for energy in the cells is greater. Insulin opens the cell wall membranes so the cells can take in more glucose for fuel to generate energy. Cortisol normally helps create insulin resistance in the cell membrane to slow the flow of glucose from the blood into the cell. This helps protect the cells from detrimental effects of too much glucose and the body from too rapid a decline in blood sugar. When cortisol is low, as it can be during adrenal fatigue, there is less inhibition of this process, further reducing immediately available energy supplies (blood glucose).
...
In the presence of increased insulin and decreased epinephrine, norepinephrine and cortisol, blood sugar drops rapidly.
...
It is not by accident that work breaks are scheduled at about these times or that people typically have something sweet and/or caffeine during these breaks. We have become a nation of hypoglycemics.* Sixty percent of people suffering from hypoglycemia go on to become diabetics, so is it any wonder that we also have a nation suffering from diabetes in epidemic proportions?*
"
from Dr. Wilson's website

2010-03-30T15:14:00.000-04:00

I think sugar causes me to have heart palpitations or something. It's weird.

Chocolate

2010-03-30T14:43:00.002-04:00

This sounds too good to be true: http://manbir-online.com/nutrition/chocolate.htm

This article, however, is more sobering: http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0984.html
"
Dark chocolate is the most flavonoid-rich variety of chocolate, and therefore the most likely to offer health benefits. However, as chocolate is processed flavonoids are lost, and most commercial chocolates are highly processed. Flavonoids also tend to have a bitter flavor, so many commercial chocolates intentionally process them out. In addition, many chocolate products are made with milk, which can interfere with the antioxidant functioning of flavinols, negating most of the potential health benefits. Finally, many chocolate products are laden with caramel, nuts, marshmallow, and other high-fat, high-calorie add-ins that decrease the amount of flavinols in every bite and make a small chocolate snack a hefty caloric load. Even the best, most flavonoid-rich dark chocolate is replete with fat, sugar, and calories (one ounce of any kind of chocolate has about 140 to 150 calories and 9 to 10 grams of fat), so if you're upping the amount of chocolate you eat to gain health benefits, keep in mind that you may want to trim calories in other areas.

One final consideration: there is currently no research that definitively suggests the amount of chocolate that should be eaten to achieve health benefits. You could also get the polyphenol-related health benefits by eating other flavonoid-rich foods like apples, red wine, tea, cranberries, and onions. That said, for most people, enjoying a small piece of dark chocolate once in a while is probably not going to be harmful, and is more favorable than reaching for the common trick-or-treat variety candy bar.

...
Chocolate, as well as red wines and certain cheeses, contains phenylethylamine (PEA), a substance that can dilate blood vessels in the brain. People sensitive to PEA might find that eating chocolate can trigger headaches, even migraines. And for those prone to heartburn, chocolate can cause an episode, as would any other high-fat food.
"

2010-03-30T12:54:00.001-04:00

blood sugar crash. just ate. feel little better.

2010-03-26T13:09:00.002-04:00

Somehow, I keep craving a sugar high. And it's not in a good way. It's because I'm depressed.

2010-03-26T12:53:00.002-04:00

Funny how my therapist isn't an innocent bystander in my life. I always thought they were supposed to be.

Plant Estrogens In Legumes

2010-03-24T14:59:00.000-04:00

This is from: http://breastcancer.about.com/od/cancerfightingfoods/a/legumes.htm

The flavonoids found in soybeans, garbanzo beans, and chickpeas may act like the female hormone estrogen. Estrogen-like substances from these plant sources are called phytoestrogens, and may give you some relief from menopause symptoms, such as hot flashes. Don't overdo legumes though –- if you've had estrogen-receptor positive breast cancer, be careful to avoid large doses of any kind of estrogen, even plant estrogens.

List of Estrogen-Inhibiting Foods

2010-03-24T14:58:00.002-04:00

This is from http://www.helium.com/items/1316616-foods-to-eat-containing-estrogen-menopause-how-to-get-estrogen-through-your-foodflaxseed-soyFruits, citrus fruits, berries, grapes, figs, melons and pineapples.

Vegetables, Cabbage, green beans, onions, corn and squash.

Grains, Millet, white rice and white flour are bad sources of estrogen.

This is from:
http://www.holisticonline.com/Remedies/hrt/hrt_food_and_estrogen.htm
and
http://dogtorj.tripod.com/id45.html
Estrogen Inhibiting Foods

If you are suffering from breast cancer, PMS, fibroids, ovarian cysts, and other situations that estrogen might exacerbate, the following estrogen inhibiting foods might be of interest to you.
Berries
Broccoli
Buckwheat
Cabbage
Citrus Foods
Corn
Figs
Fruits (except apples, cherries, dates, pomegranates)
Grapes
Green beans
Melons
Millet
Onions
Pears
Pineapples
Squashes
Tapioca
White rice
White flour

These are extrogen-rich foods:

from http://www.helium.com/items/1316616-foods-to-eat-containing-estrogen-menopause-how-to-get-estrogen-through-your-foodflaxseed-soy
Estrogen Rich Foods

Fruits; Apples, dates, plums, cherries,

Vegetables; Beets, carrots, yams, tomatoes, olives, potatoes, cucumbers, eggplant, peppers, and broccoli.

Grains; Barley, oats, hops, rice and wheat

Seeds; Flaxseed, fennel, sunflower seeds, and alfalfa

Beans; Soybeans, split peas, chickpeas, black eyed peas, limabeans, and Navy beans.

Herbs and spices; have estrogen like properties and they are: Garlic, parsley, clover, ginger, thyme and oregano.

Random facts

2010-03-24T14:44:00.003-04:00

Men have larger heads and larger brains than women. However, this is only proportional to their body size.

Women have more gray matter in proportion to their body size. Women also have a higher IQ on average.

2010-03-23T15:33:00.001-04:00

I've never been friends with someone because I wanted their sex or their cut face, but apparently that's how lots of relationships are formed.

2010-03-23T15:03:00.001-04:00

Girls love figuring out what social rules exist and trying to follow them. It seems to be one of their favorite pastime activities. Because I am both incapable of doing this and have no desire to do so, does this mean I am missing part of my brain or have something malfunctioning?

2010-03-23T14:36:00.000-04:00

I hate when I don't get people. I hate not getting anything.

2010-03-23T14:35:00.000-04:00

Girls like to sit around discussing how best they can conform.

2010-03-19T16:45:00.002-04:00

current low self-esteem but conscious mood seems stable

Depression after recovery

2010-03-19T13:32:00.002-04:00

This is the stage I'm at in my life.
http://harvardmagazine.com/2009/07/how-depression-lingers"
Using the relatively new technology of functional magnetic resonance imaging, she aimed to update an earlier ﬁnding from her own 1976 study, which established that patients who’d recovered from depression were more likely to relapse when living in a highly critical family environment. She and colleagues therefore imaged the brains of subjects listening to criticism from their own mothers in the form of 30-second recorded messages. (Each of the study subjects—11 women with a history of depression and 12 without—heard a total of six messages: two critical, two complimentary, and two neutral as points of comparison.) By capturing the emotional immediacy of criticism from a family member, the study approximated the real world more closely than is typically possible in the lab.
...
The mothers received particularly detailed instructions for the negative messages: the criticisms had to be concerns they had previously raised—“We didn’t want anyone to be broadsided by a new criticism,” says Hooley—and had to be relatively benign. “The last thing we wanted was for mothers to be saying things like, ‘You’ve ruined my life. I wish I’d never had a child,’” she adds. “That’s not criticism—that’s extreme hostility.” The negative messages’ topics included tattoos and piercings; lack of faith in God; failure to send thank-you notes; and being inconsiderate and untidy.
...
What seems to be happening, says Hooley, is that criticism activates the amygdalae in the brains of those who have been depressed, perhaps tripping a primal emotional response and bypassing the more analytical response seen in the brains of subjects with no history of depression. Yet when asked about their mood as they listened to the critical remarks, the formerly depressed subjects didn’t report feeling worse than the control group. They had exhibited no symptoms at all for some time (six months as a minimum to qualify for inclusion, and 20 months on average); they acted normally and felt normal. But their brains told a different story and, says Hooley, “They had no idea this was happening.”
...
A similar pattern manifested as the subjects listened to the complimentary remarks. Amygdala activation was absent in both groups (understandable, says Hooley, because such activation is often an indicator of fear), but the controls showed activation in the anterior cingulate cortex and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex, while the formerly depressed subjects did not. “It’s as if they aren’t getting the full beneﬁt of the praise,” she says. (Responses to the neutral comments followed a similar pattern.)
...
"

Weird theory on depression

2010-03-19T13:20:00.000-04:00

Thought this was odd and interesting: http://www.brainactivation.com/index.htm

Depression & Hypoglycemia

2010-03-19T13:18:00.001-04:00

from http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/research_hypoglycemia.html"
DEPRESSION and INSULIN RESISTANCE: Depressive patients showed decreased glucose tolerance. Okamura F et al, 1999. and Okamura et als 2000,
“One of the predictive factors of treatment-resistant depression is the syndrome of relative insulin resistance” Bech P, et als. 1999,
“Since insulin resistance is positively associated with the development of diabetes, we hypothesised—given that disturbed glucoregulatory functions behind the development of diabetes might be associated with pathophysiological changes in depression—that insulin resistance should be positively correlated with depressive symptoms.” Timonen M, (2005) and
Timonen et als (2005)
"Research has shown that depression is commonly associated with diabetes. People who have both diabetes and depression tend to have more severe symptoms of both diseases, higher rates of work disability and use more medical services than those who only have diabetes alone." Science Update, 1 March 2010
“Stress is commonly associated with a variety of psychiatric conditions, including major depression, and with chronic medical conditions, including diabetes and insulin resistance.” Wolkowitz OM, et als. 2001,
“Insulin resistance has been associated with people diagnosed with depression. Conversely, it has also been documented that diabetics have an increased risk of depression. Evidence suggests that insulin activity plays a role in serotonergic activity by increasing the influx of tryptophan into the brain. This increased influx of tryptophan has been shown to result in an increase in serotonin synthesis. In accordance with the serotonin theory of depression, it may be possible to treat depression by increasing insulin activity. The antioxidant alpha lipoic acid has been shown to increase insulin sensitivity and is used to treat people with diabetes. Therefore, the nutrient alpha lipoic acid should be clinically tested as an adjunct treatment for depression.” Salazar MR., 2000,
“An association between affective disorders and alterations in glucose utilization has been recognized. The authors administered a 5-hour oral glucose tolerance test (GTT) to 28 depressed patients and 21 healthy volunteer control subjects and measured serum glucose as well as plasma insulin and glucagon responses. Depressed patients demonstrated significantly higher basal glucose levels, greater cumulative glucose responses after the GTT, and larger cumulative insulin responses after the GTT than control subjects. Values for cumulative glucagon did not significantly differ between groups. These findings indicate the presence of a functional state of insulin resistance during major depressive illness and suggest the presence of a more generalized biological disturbance in some depressed patients.” Winokur A, et als. 1988,
“Glucose utilization, serum insulin, human growth hormone, and free fatty acids were studied in 18 unipolar depressed patients and 14 normal controls, using the intravenous glucose tolerance test. [But] endogenous depression was associated with lowered glucose utilization rate with insulin resistance.” Wright JH, et als. 1978,
“Depression is often associated with insulin resistance, owing to cortisol overproduction; conversely, many studies suggest that diabetics are at increased risk for depression. Recent evidence indicates that insulin is transported through the blood-brain barrier and influences brain function via widely distributed insulin receptors on neurons. These receptors are particularly dense on catecholaminergic synaptic terminals, and, while effects are variable dependent on brain region, several studies indicate that insulin promotes central catecholaminergic activity, perhaps by inhibiting synaptic re-uptake of norepinephrine. This may rationalize anecdotal reports of improved mood in clinical depressives and diabetics receiving the insulin-sensitizing nutrient chromium picolinate. This nutrient, perhaps in conjunction with other insulin-sensitizing measures such as low-fat diet and aerobic exercise training (already shown to be beneficial in depression), should be tested as an adjuvant for the treatment and secondary prevention of depression” McCarty MF. 1994,
Psychological stress may lead to increased cortisol levels, interfering with serotonin synthesis causing endogenous depression. Strickland PL et als 2002 .
“For the six countries with available data for the primary analysis, there was a highly significant correlation between sugar consumption and the annual rate of depression (Pearson correlation 0.948, P=0.004). Naturally, a correlation does not necessarily imply etiology.” Westover AN, et al. 2002,
Both folate and vitamin B12 deficiency may cause similar neurologic and psychiatric disturbances including depression, dementia. These nutrients are required in the the production of SAM-e, and anti-depressant substance present in every cell of the body. Bottiglieri T, 1996 Coppen A et al. (2005) Related Articles
Most prevalent health conditions in order of frequency were: depression, allergies, low back pain, arthritis, cardiovascular disease and poor digestion. Most deficient minerals were chromium, magnesium, zinc and calcium. Alcoholism, drug abuse, criminal activities Campbell JD 2001
Obese subjects with psychiatric manifestations ranging from those of melancholic depression to anxiety with perception of 'uncontrollable' stress, frequently have mild hypercortisolism, while carefully screened obese subjects with no such manifestations are eucortisolemic. The former may have stress-induced glucocorticoid-mediated visceral obesity and metabolic syndrome manifestations, Chrousos GP 2000
Noradrenergic and serotonergic abnormalities have long been suspected in patients with major depression. Hypersecretion of cortisol as well as the presence of cortisol receptors in the brain is suggested as the pathway for monoamine change. Dinan TG 1996
Preliminary observations suggest that chromium may potentiate antidepressant pharmacotherapy for dysthymic disorder. Controlled studies are indicated to test the validity of these initial observations. McLeod MN 1999
Negative finding in a study supplementing elderly people with chromium with stable impaired glucose intolerance. Uusitupa MI, 1992,.
Some epidemiological, experimental and clinical data favour the hypothesis that polyunsaturated fatty acids could play a role in the pathogenesis and/or the treatment of depression. Colin A, 2003,
“We investigated relationships between severity of depression and levels and ratios of n-3 and n-6 fatty acids. We suggest, however, that our findings provide a basis for studying the effect of the nutritional supplementation of depressed subjects, aimed at reducing the AA/EPA ratio in tissues and severity of depression.” Adams PB et als 1996,
“Recently, it was hypothesised that a decreased consumption of polyunsaturated fatty acids, especially omega-3 fatty acids, may be a risk factor for depression and suicide. Currently, we do not have sufficient evidence that cholesterol-lowering therapies increase the risk factor for suicide” Brunner J et als, 2002, But see a study showing that low cholesterol concentrations were associated with increased risk of suicide. BMJ 1996;313:649-651
Depression may be caused by frequent consumption of caffeine or sucrose (sugar). Possible deficiencies: biotin, folic acid, pyridoxine (B6), riboflavin, thiamine, vitamin B12 or vitamin C, calcium, copper, iron, magnesium or potassium. Or excess magnesium, vanadium, Look for food sensitivities. Nutritional supplements; lithium, rubidium, phenylalanine or tyrosine (nutritional precursors to norepinephrine). S-Adenosyl-L-Methionine (SAMe), Hypericin in St John’s Wort (Hypericum perforatum). Werbach, 1991, 123,
“Hypercortisolemic depressed patients suffer from resistance to insulin and increased visceral fat. The fact that hypercortisolemia reverses depression-related fat loss, particularly in the visceral area, might partially explain why major depression can be considered a risk factor for cardiovascular disorders.” Weber-Hamann B, et als. 2002,
“A high association between type 2 diabetes mellitus and depressive illness has been reported. Insulin resistance during depressive illness might contribute to the linkage between depression and type 2 diabetes.” Chiba M, et als. 2000,
“Commons [triggers] for Depression and Fatigue; Sugar, Honey and glucose, Yeasted foods. G Samra, The Allergy Connection, 91.
"

Zinc & Copper

2010-03-19T13:10:00.001-04:00

from http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/articles/research_hypoglycemia.html"
COPPER: Zinc levels are related to copper levels and should be in balance. A high ratio of copper/zinc may cause zinc deficiency and could lead to violent behaviour. Negroes have higher copper levels than whites. Copper is needed in the production of melanin skin pigmentation. Pfeiffer, CC, 216, and in the production of biological energy (ATP). Copper deficiency can lead to problems in the synthesis of collagen and red blood cells, such as hemoglobin formation leading to anemia (Source: Linus Paul Institute). Question: Could excess copper lead to zinc deficiency and vulnerability to alcohol metabolism?
“The highest concentration of copper is found in the brain and liver. Copper is found in all other tissues in varying amounts, and about 50 percent of the total copper content of the body is found in the bones and muscles. It is essential in the production of collagen and the neurotransmitter noradrenaline. It plays a role in the production of the skin pigment melanin by converting the amino acid tyrosine. It is involved in production of hemoglobin. Copper influences iron absorption and mobilization from the liver and other tissue stores. Absorption of the mineral is increased by acids and inhibited by calcium (Kirschmann, 1996). Wearing copper bracelets is a long-term folk remedy for arthritis. This remains a controversial topic. See here.
Elevated hair copper levels may be related to criminal behaviour, Werbach 1991, 7
Superoxide dismutase (SOD) a zinc and copper or manganese containing enzyme which reacts with superoxide radicals to convert them to less dangerous. It is the fifth most common protein in the human body. All organsims not killed by air contain SOD. Intracellular cytoplasmic SOD contains Zinc & Copper, mitochondrial SOD contains zinc & manganese. Superoxide radicals is implicated in arthritis and cataract formation. Pearson 1982, 803.
“Elevated levels (often due to contaminated drinking water) can be toxic, causing profound mental and physical fatigue, poor memory, severe depression and insomnia. Werbach 1991, 273,
"

The brain and depression

2010-03-19T13:09:00.001-04:00

article here. I wonder how small my hippocampus is.